


Mccormick christmas Letter

by holographicghost



Category: South Park
Genre: ARTIST! Karen, AU ish, And coffee, But also a bit sad, Craig is lovesick, Gawd, Gen, Hot Chocolate, Kenny speaking, Mrs Mccormick to the rescue, Open to Interpretation, Pen Pals, Poor Butters, but also a minor character, doesn't wanna talk about himself, eighth grade AU, everybody loves Karen, gang wars mentioned, hes a shy boy, kinda Kenny centric?, kinda funny, letter writing, many characters mentioned - Freeform, mostly - Freeform, ships mentioned, smokers, wannabe goth Kenny, with anentire village
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 08:22:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13267488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holographicghost/pseuds/holographicghost
Summary: Every year, Kenny Mccormick writes and sends out a letter telling everyone what happened in his life. This is what that letter is.Featuring a wannabe goth, terf wars, and relationship drama





	Mccormick christmas Letter

**Author's Note:**

> I always kind of thought that Kenny would be the type to find the name of a very remote, english speaking village off in god knows where and write a letter to them every year. everyone in the village is very happy to hear from him, and often send him letters and presents back too

Dear lovely readers,

It’s been a long year, but not the longest. Remember when I was dead and Cartman drank my ashes? Yeah, that was a long year for all of us. Sorry you didn’t get your christmas letter, but nobody else wanted to write it. Although, that was when I was going through my typing quirk phase, so you probably wouldn't have been able to read it if you had. 

Stan and Kyle aren't friends anymore. They see each other in the hallways and pass right by. But I know they miss each other. It probably started in middle school- those keeping up to date with my letters may remember the fight they had in sixth grade. Especially you, Jerry. Well I am unhappy to announce that after several long years of waiting, and drama, that there has been no resolution. One can only hope they work out their differences someday, as they both miss each other quite dearly and I do hate to see them upset like this. 

I tried to hang out with the goths today. They stared at me until I left and called me emo. I’m not emo.They always try to leave me out of their groups, but I’ll show them. Tomorrow I’m buying a ton of hair dye and dying my entire head black. Which may not look so good with my skin tone, as it is very pale. I imagine I’ll look less like a twink-which, to those of you who don’t know, is a skinny, hairless, blond gay man, usually pale and wimpy. I aint no wimp. And as soon as I dye my hair black to match my clothes, they’ll know that. They have to, because I can’t stay with Cartman my whole life. I hate his guts. The emos, too, suck.

Wendy- Stans ex-girlfriend for those who are new to this- has finally gone back to her old boyfriend Token, with Stans help. You see, she came to Stan crying-because she knows he’ll always help her, being madly in love with her still. Well, Stan created this plan-to fake date her to make Token jealous. Stan wanted Wendy to realize that she actually still loved him. She didn’t.

I had to spend an entire night to comforting him afterwards.

Butters is blind in one eye now. His parents left him out in the snow all night after he came back after curfew, and he didn’t have anywhere to go, because he felt too guilty at coming home late. So he curled up under a blanket and woke up fifteen days later in the hospital without a right foot and the use of his left eye. 

Here’s the thing though, it was my fault. I was on a late night walk and found him passed out on his screen porch. I knocked on his parents door to tell them their only son was out in the snow at midnight thirty. They told me he deserved to be out there and not to bring him to a hospital. So I woke him up and brought him-mostly unconscious- to my house. I should have brought him to a hospital-but what would I have said? That his parents wouldn’t let him in the house? That they let him stay out there all night? I should have. He’s gone through so much, maybe foster care would be better.

I brought butters back to my house and laid him on my bed. I got my mom up and she heated up water and a washcloth and pressed it to his forehead once it dried. She said to make sure he didn’t get too cold again and stripped us both and ordered me to hug him to keep him warm. I wondered where she learned to treat this. Around 8 am his dad came knocking at my house and angrily demanded to know what I’ve done with his son. He left with Butters and… I’m not quite sure what happened next, because my mom told me not to go after him. But I heard a rumor that he was in the hospital again, and the day before break started he came back to school with a fake leg and an eyepatch. I told him he should get a glass eye that’s completely see through under there and freak people out when they asked to see what’s under the eyepatch. He didn’t take my advice, but he laughed. We didn’t talk about what happened that night. 

Craig and I meet up for cigarettes after school every day in the smoking corner behind the school. Sometimes the goths are there too. I try to talk to them and we make conversation, but they are still calling me a prep. I aint no preppy twink. 

Craig is nice, still pining after Tweek but know that Tweek is too dense to notice. I haven’t talked to Tweek that much but when he was younger he used to stop by my house a lot to get drugs for his parents coffee shop. I think his parents still sell it, something about getting people addicted to the fresh flowery taste or something. I think that’s BS, he just wants money. Capitalism at its finest, people.

When Sodosopa shut down, a bunch of people abandoned their stores and now its a bunch of bums, greasers, and other things that stay there as a second home. They have gang wars there on nice days. I think they’ve got some of it choreographed. I take Karen out there sometimes with me to watch them. We set up chairs and bring coffee and hot chocolate for everyone. It’s fun, they really like her because she’s so caring and treats them all the same. Even no-nose Eddy, who was deformed at birth and wears an animal mask everywhere now. I think she’s one of the only people that has seen his face without dying afterwards or being tortured. 

Karen has started hanging out with the popular girls in her grade. They’re a bit too young for me, but I can see why everyone likes them, I guess. 

See, it all started when Karen dressed as Belle for Halloween. Between her pretty face, blue eyes, and slightly wavy brown hair [which mom put up for her-she’s actually really good at it. She did princess Kenny's hair too], she looked almost exactly like the princess. Unfortunately, everyone else in her grade thought she was stupid for dressing as something people their age were allowed to watch. But then again, pretty much everyone else dressed up as zombies or pornstars. I mean, they weren't technically pornstars, but I couldn’t really tell the difference. 

Anyways, everyone was being really mean to Karen! No one is crueler than children who come from good homes, I SWEAR.

But then however, these really popular girls came up to her and shooed everyone away and told her they really liked her costume. They told everyone too, and now I guess Karen’s popular too. That’s nice, really. She deserves a lot of love. 

Cartman tried to start a second holocaust last summer. Not that he fully knew it, because I’m pretty sure he doesn’t actually know anything about Hitler or the horrors of world war two. One of these days I’m going to show him stuff about it, and maybe he’ll feel bad. Like this one time, cats were banned from the town [which was my fault,], and Cartman hid all the cats up in his attic because it was unfair and unjustified. So I bet that if a true holocaust were happening again, he wouldn’t like it. Or he may, it’s hard to tell with him. I know a lot of you guys like Cartman, but he really is just a sad little boy dealing with a lot of trauma. Don’t idolize those who are hurting, you’ll only end up hurting yourself. 

Damien came back into town again. He’s the son of satan, but we all hate him because he’s weird and creepy. The day before break he got up on top of the table and proclaimed that his daddy satan will smite us all. His voice still hasn’t changed. It was funny.

Nobody likes to hang around him, but thats okay because we rarely ever see him anyway. I’m pretty sure Pip is the only person that likes him, maybe he even has a crush on him. 

Pip came back to life after he was killed by a giant robot a little bit unstable, which is totally hot. Nobody ever makes fun of him anymore after what happened last time they did- as he hit them with a chair and the principal was too afraid to suspend him. Maybe Damiens being a bad influence, or something about being in Hell was a bit traumatizing for him. I saw him there a few times and he seemed a bit… off. I talked to him a bit, and he seemed a bit forlorn. Hopefully he isn’t depressed now. I haven’t talked to him since he got back to Earth, in tow with the antichrist himself. I can only imagine what’s going on with him. 

I’ve been fine. I work four jobs, but schools pretty easy so I’ve got like… B and Cs. That's pretty good. I’m glad you guys like my stories so much- even if some of you don’t believe all of them, but I don’t blame you, that much is certain haha

I know I’ve said this a lot, but I would like to thank you guys again for your VERY generous gift last year. Karen really loved the pens, and I’ve attached a copy of some of the drawings she’s made illustrating some events of the letter. Maybe someday I’ll publish a book about it ;)

Always yours,

Kenneth [and the Mccormicks]

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget- comments keep me writing!


End file.
